Being and Becoming Your Best

Reflections from Experiences of Inexperience, on Realizing our Potential

Hello Dear,

It is my humble belief that each one of us has infinite potential, most of which is unknown, unexplored and yet to be manifested. What say? The same holds good for collective human endeavours as well: if we come together with the right motives, what we can achieve may very well surprise us.

Now, how to do this? Let me share below some reflections I had written on this topic, on November 3, 2021, the day I turned 40 years of age.

[Given below is a piece of reflection I wrote, in November 2021]

Hello there, how are you? Hope you are doing well!

You know, I happen to have turned 40 a few hours back. So, let me seize the power of the moment to do two things I have been wanting to do but have been rather afraid of: 1) begin this newsletter, 2) share some reflections, drawn from my experiences of inexperience, on being and becoming our best. Your best.

If you know me, you would know that I love and believe in the power of questions. And I hope you do too. So, here we go, starting with a question.

Be Everyone, Be No One

You may say that the best answer depends on the situation. Yes, no doubt; even then it seems to me that majority of us go for option 2 in most of the situations. This has been borne out by a survey I did of 82 teenagers, more than 51% of whom said they would opt for solutions many/some people are aware of.

So, here’s an idea: consciously seek out solutions which are either too obvious to be noticed or too crazy to be even considered.

Yes, be more obvious, be more foolish; or be everyone, be no one, more often. Why and how can this help? Find out here.

Succeeding in "The 21st Century"

We are nearing the end of the 21st year of the 21st century, but tell you what! I think most of us, myself included, have not yet realized what it takes to succeed in this highly transformed and rapidly changing world. I mean, maybe we understand it, but only a few of us seem to have really internalized it a deep level, deep enough to have made it a part of our way of thinking and living.

Very briefly, continuous and rapid change is the new normal in the VUCA world. This demands that we acquire the willingness and ability to better adapt to the changing world within and around us. We need to realize that no one ever graduates from the University of Life. It is a world of great opportunities and immense challenges. And most of them span traditional boundaries of societies and disciplinary specializations. This would increase the frequency and intensity of value crises - we need to summon the strength of our moral imagination and wisdom, to both embrace new-age values and stay true to certain age-old values, and to have the discernment to know what to leave, what to hold on to, and what to strive towards.

The world, especially today’s and tomorrow’s, belongs to the radically curious lifelong learner. We need to realize the value of knowledge as well as imagination and creativity. We need to hone our thinking skills and develop a genuine interest in the lives, struggles and aspirations of different peoples and societies. The unfettered exploration of our genuine curiosities, coupled with a keen reflection and awareness of our own self, our fellow beings and the world, is necessary to enable us to lead ourselves and others. In a way that inspires ourselves and others.

Discovering Ourselves

What are your strengths? Your innate strengths, which are core to who you are? What are your weaknesses? Recently, I asked these questions to two of my colleagues, both of them sincere and high-performing professionals. And it turned out that they had never ever given it a serious thought! Isn’t it strange - and sad - that we go about our lives, without coming to a deep realization of who we are and where we are best likely to make the maximum impact?

True, our strengths are not cast in stone; they should not be. We need to keep acquiring new skills and new knowledge. But all the same, there are some core strengths which are definitional to who we are and how we can contribute. Investing the time to reflect and learn about this can help us “deploy ourselves”, as Warren Bennis says, in the best manner possible. I believe conquering the fear of our dark side, facing up to our fear of failure, and then braving our fear of success! is fundamental to this continual redsicovery of our infinite potentialities.

So, to succeed, we need to discover ourselves, and that is not possible unless and until we dare to take charge of our journey, rather than being a slave to circumstances. My experiences have shown me that we often end up not doing what we should, since we seek or wait for approval or recognition from others. No doubt, we need the support of precious others, but to realize ourselves, we need to be able to tread the unbeaten path, even if it means we have to travel alone.

Be Curiouser and Curiouser

Never underestimate the power of good questions! Our knowledge is much more limited than we realize. I grow more ignorant everyday! Almost surely, so do you - relatively speaking!

Hence, it is better for me to think that I know but little. And this in turn should inspire me to keep asking questions. Asking good open-ended questions can both surprise and delight us. It gives us new ideas and ways of looking.

I would add that it is especially important to ask questions whose answers we are sure of. Why? One, the more certain we are, the more dangerous it will be if we are wrong or plainly incomplete in our answer. Two, our answer may be perfect, but we need to understand others’ answers too, in order to both better understand the situation as well as to come to a shared point of view about our shared being and becoming.

Be Kind, Be Forgiving

Our schooling system tends to teach us more to compete, rather than to collaborate. But being able to help and develop others will be the essential means and the ultimate end of our being.

A lot many problems in human communities, organizations and societies occur due to needless, avoidable conflicts. We know that. Let us reduce the drag, on ourselves and on our shared existence, by being more forgiving, more kind. Besides solving problems, it also leads to more peace, for ourselvses and for others. And indeed, it also opens us more doors of life, more windows of opportunity.

Learn from the Giants

It is said that we are the average of our five best friends. Let us be humble enough to realize our smallness and celebrate and learn from the smartness and greatness in others. The internet has hugely expanded the possibilities for this. And we are yet to leverage this appropriately.

In a world which craves to shift our attention from one thing to another, candid, deep conversations can help us acquire life-changing insights and wisdom. And it can help us learn from others’ mistakes, without having to commit them ourselves!

Question Respectfully

In our culture, questioning is often equated with disrespectfulness. And it is presumed that respectfulness demands unquestioning deference. This is wrong, plain wrong!

A relationship characterized by genuine respect is only enriched by respectful questioning. Such an open inquiry is necessary for the growth of the relationship and the persons involved.

Let us learn and perfect this timeless art, which is but integral to the ideal of democracy. We should have the courage and openness to not only say no when required, but to also receive it!

Be Jonathan Livingston Seagull!

Yes, we fly deep and go wide, like Jonathan Livingston Seagull (a book which has inspired me a lot).

It is fashionable to look down upon theory, saying it is all about practice. But then, like most things in life, it is about how we receive it. Good theory is an invaluable guide to right action and thinking. Without a strong conceptual foundation, we may be busy doing the wrong things right, or worse, doing the wrong things the wrong way!

There is immense value in going deep. Besides showing us the big picture, the underlying philosophical foundations, it helps us fall in love with what we learn, and thus fastens our journey to mastery.

Combine depth with breadth to arm yourself with a superpower. In fact, anyone who genuinely goes deep cannot help but go wide as well. That is where our natural curiosities will and should lead us. Read widely, be open to diverse experiences and as Naval Ravikant says, read what you love until you love to read. It will help you marry a million times - of course, I mean, marry ideas, and parent them! Since new ideas emerge due to the combination of existing ideas in new and different ways.

Learn How to Learn

In an age where lifelong learning is a must, learning to learn is a crucial meta-skill. The more of more we learn, the less difficult it will be to learn anything new and different.

But it is not sufficient to be able to acquire knowledge; we should also be able to communicate it to others, in ways each person can understand and relate to. We need to communicate well, we need to tell impactful authentic stories and inspire people to appreciate and add to the knowledge and understanding. Only then will we be able to apply our knowledge effectively, in ways which make a difference.

Build Others

It is necessary to state this, though we all know this abundantly well. The calling of leadership is to amplify our collective human potential, to let it flower and bloom. Yet, the numerous ways in which we fall short of this ideal should give us reason to make it part of our life’s mission to discover ways in which we can lessen the scale of this tragedy. And celebrate and multiply the scale of our achievements in realization of our infinite individual and collective potential to be and do good.

Change the World!

Let us not think too little (or too great) of ourselves. We can change ourselves, and we can be a candle which gives light to the world, even in ways which can often surprise us.

“I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world.”

- Mother Teresa

I think it helps to continually pause and reflect on where we are doing, what we are doing, who we are becoming, and how, and why. The willingness to throw ourselves outside our comfort zone, with our minds grounded in a fine understanding of ourselves and our life context, with our hearts set on a higher purpose beyond ourselves, and with our spirit focused firmly on the timeless rewards inherent in such a journey of purpose, will enable us to discover and realize both ourselves and the world.

As we do this, we need to work hard to keep up the faith, even and especially when the outside manifestations of reality urge us to abandon our pursuit. Staying the course would often be risky, with no certainty of tangible outcomes; but then, the greatest risk is not to risk at all. If our mind and heart are in the right place, we should be able to gather the strength and faith to go on, or to change course if that happens to be the wise choice in that situation.

To change anything worth it, we need others, we need each other. Hence, no change endeavour can succeed unless we are able to galvanize the inspired contribution of our fellow beings in the community, so as to be able to co-create our shared future, based on a shared point of view about our collective past, present and future.

As co-leaders of tomorrow, we thus need to work actively for the development and continual refinement of this shared point of view, this shared set of spectacles through which we observe, make sense and shape our world, and ourselves.

Love Your Profession, Love Your Family

It is a cliche, but worth repeating. We grow and excel and we are able to be our true selves when and only when we love. Whether it be our profession or our family.

For sure, most people, most of us, don’t love our jobs. Jobs are imperfect, often even inhumanly designed, managed and led. But I believe, whether or not we love our jobs, all of us can indeed love our professions. Almost every profession is founded on a set of noble ideals, goals and values, by which it seeks to serve and advance human society. We tend to hate our jobs due to the ways in which they fall short of realizing and advancing these ideals. We can and must cry about it, but can we also strive to change our jobs and our organizations, and help mould and shape them or help them rediscover their perhaps-lost purpose and meaning?

Every problem is an opportunity, depends on how we look at it, and who knows, this view and aspiration can perhaps gift us renewed sense of meaning and purpose in our job and profession. What say?

Being “a family man” (a happy and grateful one at that), let me add a small word about family. That a loving family can be our greatest source of enduring joy and strength, alongside The Almighty, taking us closer to both Him and our fellow beings.

Compound Yourself

The good, the bad and the ugly. All of these compound with time, and can make or break us. So it is up to us. On what is it that we invest into our developmental life account, on what we allow to compound and transform us and those whom we interact with. Remember, 1% better every day means almost 40 times better in an year!

Be Yourself!

I will be honest, as I must be. I have not been an absolutely honest man all through my life. I have had my share of frailties and failings. I have sought to impress others, I have gone with the wind to get recognition and approval from others, I have even at times thought highly and vainly of some of my fortunes/achievements in life. At the same time, I have experienced the deepest joy in those moments when I have opened myself and confessed the truth of my being to myself and to my fellow beings.

Yes, the truth - it is indeed immensely liberating, powerful and moving. Everyone of us needs a relentless and lifelong commitment to the exploration and attainment of truth, love and justice in all walks of life, which is our True North, our true calling.

The beauty and power of these principles is that it takes a moment to utter them, but a lifetime to practise and live by. As we traverse this journey, let us remember the words of innovation evangelist Clayton Christensen:

It is easier to keep our principles 100% of the time, than 99% of the time!

And let me add these. We must beware of lying to others, not only because lying is bad, but especially since we will soon end up lying to ourselves. And moreover, we may often be honest to others, while being secretly dishonest to ourselves, afraid to face ourselves as we truly are!

We experience life in its fullness only by living our values, by staying true to ourselves. Which is after all, the key to being and becoming our best!

[End of the piece of reflection I wrote on November 3, 2021]

Let me stop with this here for now. Hope to come back soon with another post; and I hope I am able to provide some value to you through these writings. If you find this valuable, do consider sharing it with someone you care for. Thank you! - Dheep.